- For all you Civil War buffs, here's a photo of the hero of our story, Abe Lincoln.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
LAST BEST HOPE AUTHOR'S BLOG
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Front Seat Driver
It all started with my older brother, Mark, saying, “Who’s driving this car? I’m certainly not. Somebody better grab the wheel!” I would look across the front seat at him, sitting behind the steering wheel, with his hands folded calmly over his stomach and a slight grin on his face. As the car motored on its way at a slow, gradual angle towards the curb, my quick, panicked expression coincided with me grabbing the steering wheel to swerve us back on a straight course. This was usually my signal to steer for a couple of blocks. This little ritual, or rite of passage, was always performed without Mom in the car. If she were to witness this, she may have given me the impression that this was unacceptable behavior for an eleven-year-old boy. I would consider this my first introduction to driver’s education, along with my curiosity concerning the function of certain pedals, levers, buttons, and knobs.
You would think that my mother would have welcomed the notion that her “responsible” older son was preparing her youngest for the inevitable driving test although it was still a few years down the road. Sadly, she was not afforded the same generous assistance. When my Mom was 16 years old (possibly younger) back around 1939, her neighbor took her out to an old Ford truck in the middle of a cow pasture, pointed to the pedals, shifter, and steering wheel, explained how they worked, and basically wished her the best of luck. That was about the extent of her driver’s training.
I don’t think my mother was alone when it came to the degree of training that a new driver received back then. According to an article on the Smithsonian National Museum of History’s website, “Early motorists were taught to drive by automobile salesmen, family and friends, or organizations like the YMCA” (“America” 1).
I evolved to my next level of training when an older friend and I used to drive out to camp on his wooded property near the Ohio-Pennsylvania border. I was around 15 years old, and it was back in the mid-70’s. Once we got to the long stretches of farm roads, he would pull off to the side, there would be a hasty “Chinese fire drill,” and I would be in the driver’s seat of his manual-shift Volkswagen van. I was now driving and learning stick shift with nothing but open country road ahead of me. I think I still owe him a transmission.
Although the laws and rules haven’t changed much since I learned to drive, a lot has changed since my mother’s earliest days of driving. Just try to obtain a driver’s license without proof of insurance. Parents must be able to add their children to their insurance policies in order for them to drive, and also, by putting the new driver on their policy, it keeps the rates down. One thing that will make these rates go up or even cause an insurer to drop the parents as policy holders is a new driver with a high accident rate. This is simple math for the insurance company. I know this only because it was branded into my memory when I was learning to drive.
According to Doug Patterson, a Mentor High school junior that I spoke with who recently got his driver’s license, if you are under 18 in Ohio, you have to have documentation to prove that you had training before you can be licensed. If you are 18-year-olds or older, you only need to take the written test. In addition to the classroom hours and the eight hours of actual driving time that are required, Doug spent well over the required fifty hours of driving with parental supervision that was needed in order for him to get his license.
So, with our modern roads more congested than ever, cars faster and more powerful, confusing, high speed freeways everywhere, and rampant road rage, are the new drivers of today educated well enough to be safe, responsible drivers? Patrick Kiger, who wrote an article for Good Housekeeping magazine addressing this question, does not think so. As a result of tight budgets, Kiger states in his article that some school systems are cutting back on courses that they don’t consider to be fundamental. One school system in Reno, Nevada only has a classroom driver’s education course. There is no actual driving time included in the training (1).
Kiger responds to the safety issue concerning this trend in educating our new drivers in this way:
Is this the right time to take driver’s ed off the road? Statistics suggest that it is not. Over the next five years, more than four million 16-year-olds are expected to put the pedal to the metal—and these novice drivers are the riskiest group on the road, with a crash rate five times that of 20-year-old drivers. Instead of serving up a movie and lecture and thinking we’ve taught kids to be safe, we should be offering programs that will really help protect them—and the motorists they’ll soon encounter. (1-2)
The author goes on to talk about how driving instructors should be certified with three college-level courses, according to The American Driver and Traffic Safety Education Association (Kiger 2). This, to me, is a step in the right direction, and I also think that there should be more emphasis on the amount of actual driving time spent in the course of instruction.
When my Mom learned to drive, her training was almost entirely hands-on. The portion of my training that was actual drive time was about 40% of the course (not including the “private” lessons with my brother and friend). This was fairly extensive, considering my driver’s education course was two or three classes a week for an entire semester. The school offered Doug a two-week, after school course which included 24 hours of classroom lecture. Fortunately, his parents spent more than the additional, required 50 hours of on-the-road parental coaching for him to get his license.
Mom has been driving almost 70 years now with one, small, no-fault fender bender and a couple of speeding tickets. I have been legally on the road over 30 years with not quite as an impressive of a record as my mother’s, but nothing serious. Doug is a bright, level-headed driver, with a perfect driving record, so far, and a lifetime of driving ahead of him. I wish him and his generation the best.
As for my 15-year-old daughter, I have an old school attitude toward the pre-driver’s education that I’d like her to get. This could probably involve a large, vacant parking lot (instead of a cow pasture), and a pass on that second cup of coffee, for I plan to be there, white-knuckling it by her side. I would hope that she will be able to hit the ground running when she first takes the driving portion of driver’s ed. My daughter’s ultimate success as a driver is directly proportionate to her own safety, the safety of others, and my insurance rates. And who knows, maybe my daughter will be the one driving in her fancy car, picking up boys? Isn’t this every teenager’s American Dream?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
A Poem in Honor of Golf
White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By It's Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry,
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
P.S.
Stand proud you noble swingers of
clubs and losers of balls....
A recent study found the average golfer
walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found
golfers drink, on average,
22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means, on average,
golfers get about 41 miles to the
gallon.
Kind of makes you
proud. I Almost feel like a
hybrid.
Saturday, May 02, 2009
National Gallery of Writing
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Dan Kohlhepp's Birthday Toast
to
Jayne Marie Parrott Magee
on her
Sixtieth Birthday
April 10, 2009
The Literary Reference
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet.
Juliet, Romeo and Juliet
The Set-up
In the early 1990’s Jayne and I worked together in Doctor Lewis’s converted veterinary clinic at 415 East DuBois Street, and we had adjoining offices with the door between us always open. Thus, I was able to hear Jayne explain on many occasions who she was to dunder-headed people on the other end of the phone:
“Jayne like Mansfield;
Parrott like the Bird;
Magee, M-A-G-E-E.”
For my own amusement, I would replay Jayne’s response in my head and tried to find a suitable finish for her simile trifecta. “Jayne like Mansfield, Parrot like the bird, Magee like Gary? No, too confusing. Like Greg? No, too obscure. Like Garth? No, Really obscure. Like HK? I don’t think so.
Over the years, I got to know Jayne and her family better. While Jayne was like her mother and father, I realized Jayne was like her daughter, Meghan. She was also like her daughter Amanda. In fact, she was very much like her sons Gabriel and Galen. So I finally had my similes and her toast.
The Toast
Here’s a toast to Jayne Marie Parrott Magee, our friend:
To Jayne, like her mother’s best friend who battled polio and today survives as a tribute to the power of the human spirit;
To Marie, like her mother, Ruth Marie, who is a touchstone for her life’s realities;
To Parrott, like the man her mother loved and the father who raised her;
To Magee, like the spirits of her progeny, Meghan, Amanda, Gabriel, and Galen, who carry her dreams, passions and many kindnesses; and
To our friend, like the person we thank for making us smile and our lives richer!
Happy Birthday!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Greatest Game Ever Played
I have never been an athlete. When I was in grade school, I was always the last one picked for the baseball team. I tried out for cheerleading every Spring of my high school career, but to no avail. Therefore, it came as quite a shock when at midlife, I realized that I had become obsessed with a sport: golf. On any given summer day, you will find me trudging across the links of the DuBois Country Club, pushing my golf cart that looks like a baby carriage (the irony of this simile hasn’t escaped my attention) up and down the hills as I smack a tiny white ball with a stick. Why do I insist upon torturing myself in this way, a sane person might ask. My response to this query would be that I am passionate about golf because it challenges me physically, mentally, and emotionally.
As a soon-to-be sixty-year-old woman, golf is a physical challenge. First of all, golf is a physical challenge because I am short. I have tall friends who can hit the ball a mile. I think it has something to do with physics. Having used that as an excuse, I must confess that my best golfing buddy, JoAnne, is exactly my height and she plays par golf. However, JoAnne works much harder at it than I do. Secondly, golf challenges me physically because I really don’t have any muscle strength. Granted, I go to Curves several times a week, but I don’t make time to do the weight lifting required to build up more muscle mass. Thirdly, golf challenges me physically because of the weather conditions. When it is almost 90 degrees and the humidity rivals Florida, my face gets so red and I sweat so much that I have often been stopped by fellow golfers who fear that I am having a stroke. I am—a heat stroke. Therefore, I have learned the hard way that, for me, the best times to play golf are in the early morning or early evening. What I love about golf, even though it pushes me beyond my physical limits, is that it is a game I can play well into my senior years. I need only to observe the 85-year-old woman who plays in our weekly golf league--and beats the socks off me--to test this theory.
In addition to the physical challenges of golf, golf also challenges me mentally. I have been told by many golf coaches that you play the game of golf “between your ears.” This means that golf is a mind game! It is no coincidence that my best golf scores occur on days when I am golfing alone or with my husband. No, it isn’t because I am cheating on my scores. On those days, I am totally relaxed and just doing it for fun. Conversely, my worst golf scores are always posted on the days when we have our Lucy League (the woman’s golf league at the DuBois Country Club, named after the 1950s TV show I Love Lucy) or when I am asked to play in a tournament. I get myself so psyched out that I am lucky to hit my ball off the tee and not hit a tree or send it splashing into the creek. Golf is a game that requires total concentration. If I am worrying about my kids, my spouse, or my finances, I can guarantee that I will have a score of 70 for nine holes of golf. However, it is because golf requires my full attention that I love it so much. I have to leave all my worries behind me whenever I head to the golf course.
Lastly, golf challenges me emotionally. When we first started playing in what we like to call “The Big Girls League,” my friend, JoAnne, and I would set a goal to just make it through nine holes of golf without crying. If we were successful at that feat, we considered it a victory. There is nothing like playing in a 4-person Scramble on Couples’ Night while your spouse glares at you and/or swears at you every time you add another stroke to the team score to stretch one's nerves to the breaking point. As my friend, Dan, loves to remind me, the game of golf requires “great ego strength.” I have had to learn not to judge my own worth or value to society by either my golf score or the numbers on my scale!
As the daffodils poke through the dirt and the snow melts off the ground, you can find me in my garage excitedly cleaning my clubs for a new season. In spite of the physical, mental, and emotional challenges of this frustrating sport, my passion for golf remains undiminished. Every Sunday of my youth, my father watched golf on TV after he got home from playing 18 holes of golf. I thought he was nuts. Now that he is playing golf in that beautiful country club in the heavenly realms, I am the one playing golf on all Sundays and holidays and watching Tiger Woods play in the US Open. Who would have believed it? Certainly not me or anyone who knows me. So if you see a short, chubby, middle-aged woman teeing off with her Pink Panther driver, and you hear someone melodiously bellow, “Fore!”--duck and run!
* Note: the short video clip below provides me with inspiration for the 2009 golf season.